


The Other Side of the Door

by lavenderturtle10



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boston University, Breaking Up & Making Up, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Louis has anxiety, Louis is a surgical resident, Louis is good with kids, M/M, New York City, Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, Non-Famous Liam Payne, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, Popstar Harry Styles, Taylor Swift & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Zayn Malik & Harry Styles Friendship, zayn is a model
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:20:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27946685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderturtle10/pseuds/lavenderturtle10
Summary: “I had no idea you were here. You ended up in New York. I mean shit-Louis you went to med school. You really did it.”Louis looked ready to bolt, “I-uh-yeah, of course I did.” His eyes traced the tiles of the hospital floor.“And you’re a fucking celebrity.”orLouis and Harry fall in love in college, but are pulled apart by their career aspirations. Can they find each other again and learn to forgive?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 7
Kudos: 96





	1. Welcome to New York

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to The Other Side of the Door, I hope you enjoy the work. Leave a comment if you do:) The title is from a Taylor Swift song. The New York locations are all real if you wanna look them up to help you imagine!

Louis woke up to the sound of Liam blasting The Spice Girls from the kitchen of their shared flat. Louis grabbed his phone, seeing if he had enough time to go back to sleep before work, which he didn’t. He dragged himself out of bed throwing on a pair of joggers and a T-shirt to wear into the hospital.

He walked out of his bedroom to meet Liam in the kitchen.

“Little early for the Spice Girls?”

“Oh hey, morning. I was just gonna come check if you were up.” Liam handed Louis a piece of toast and a travel thermos of Yorkshire tea.

“You good to leave here in five then?” Liam questioned to which Louis nodded.

Louis and Liam worked together as second year surgical residents at New York-Presbyterian Hospital. They met in med school, and when they both matched for residency at New York Pres, Liam asked Louis if he’d be interested in being roommates. Liam’s uncle owned a two bedroom apartmentin Hell’s Kitchen that he was willing to rent to the boys for cheap, which was a huge relief because residency pay was low and New York rent was high.

Louis ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, threw on his shoes and met Liam at the front door.

They stepped out onto the early morning Manhattan streets, people already on their way to work with coffee cups in hand. Liam and Louis had to be at the hospital early in the morning for rounds, and had about a 15 minute train ride, so they tried to leave by 6:15 every morning.

Reaching the station, Louis and Liam swiped their metro cards and waited for their usual train.

“They changed the platform pictures.” Liam absentmindedly observed. Louis turned to look, and his expression soured upon seeing what they changed the poster to.

**HARRY STYLES: LIVE ON TOUR**

was printed on top of a picture of the brunette pop star singing on stage.

Louis’ breath caught in his throat. He could usually ignore the existence of pop-sensation, Harry Styles. Louis got by by changing the radio station before he had to listen to his songs, and muting his name on his twitter feed. To Louis, the Harry on the poster was manufactured and fake, untouchable.

_Arrogant son of a bitch._

Louis thought to himself.

Louis scoffed bitterly, “I’ve never really understood what the big deal is.”

Liam looked surprised.

“Really man? Oh. I figured you’d be a fan! Have you listened to his new album? It’s so good.”

Louis shook his head, “I haven’t and just trust me when I say that I’m really not interested.”

“Hmm,” Liam conceded, “I can’t force you I guess. Your loss, then. He’s quite the looker.”

Louis chuckled dryly, raising his eyebrows, unimpressed.

“He’s fine I guess.”

Their train pulled up then, causing Liam to forget their current conversation. Louis stole one last look at the poster, pain radiating through his gut.

_It’s been five years._

He thought.

_Get it together._

Louis and Liam had started the habit of silent train rides to catch up on social media, text their families, and take fifteen minutes to prepare for the long shift at the hospital.

Louis sipped his tea and lost himself in thought, until Liam tapped him to get out the train.

“You got something heavy on your mind? You were super out of it back there.” Liam asked while they were crossing the street across from the hospital.

“Nothing important really.” Louis brushed Liam off as they pushed through the doors of New York Presbyterian Hospital, and pressed the button on the elevator to get to the residency locker room.

“Liam, Louis, hold the elevator!!” A voice called out from behind them, and Liam’s hand shot out in between the elevator doors. Their friend and fellow second year resident, Taylor, scrambled into the elevator, her purse dangling dangerously off of one finger with a hot coffee in the same hand.

“Thanks guys, this elevator takes such a long time when you miss it.” Taylor smiled.

“It’s no problem.” Liam responded.

“Morning, Tay, you ever think of investing in a lint roller?” Louis teased. Taylor looked down at her black leggings, covered in cat hair.

“Oh god,” she groaned, picking cat hair off her legs, “Meredith always rubs up against my legs in the morning, that is so embarrassing.”

Louis laughed, “I will literally never get over the fact that you have a cat named after Meredith Grey.”

“Hey!” Taylor defended, “She’s iconic. She’s exactly who I went to med school to become!”

“Exactly?” Liam added skeptically.

“Okay, okay, if less death could follow me around, yeah.” Taylor admitted.

“Such high aspirations.” Louis quipped.

“Shut up, I hate you both.”

The elevator opened and Louis, Liam, and Taylor ran into the locker rooms to stow away their belongings and change into their scrubs.

“What are you on today?” Taylor asked Louis while they were waiting outside the locker rooms for Liam to come out.

“Uh-ortho. Not my favorite, a little too hardcore for me.”

“I get that, that’s why specialties exist right? I think I’m on plastics today.” Liam walked out in the middle of her sentence.

“Liam what are you on today?” Louis asked him.

“Oh I’m in the pit today. What about you guys.”

Louis pointed at himself, “ortho,” and pointed at Taylor, “plastics.”

“You guys suck, see you at lunch then.” Liam turned and walked away

Taylor waved to Louis and disappeared around the corner to find the plastics attending. Louis set off to find his own.

\---

Harry woke up to the feeling of plane wheels hitting the tarmac. Niall Horan, his raucous guitarist and close friend still slept like a log across the aisle from him. His other best friend and international supermodel, Zayn Malik had his nose buried in a book a few seats over from Niall. Zayn had the common sense to leave empty seats between him and Niall so he didn’t end up as the guitarist’s pillow. Zayn looked up from his book and cocked his eyebrow at Harry.

“Welcome to New York, Haz.”

“Yeah,” Harry gave Zayn a bleary-eyed smile. “What time is it here?”

“It’s about 1:30 in the morning.”

Harry groaned, “God I hate jet lag. Wake Niall will you? Car should be here by now.”

Zayn shook Niall awake and the three boys grabbed their bags and walked down the stairs off of Harry’s private jet. There was a dark Cadillac waiting on the tarmac below. They handed their bags to the driver and slid into the backseat. Zayn gave the driver the name of their hotel.

Niall was just starting to really wake up from his nap and he turned to Harry, “Are you excited to play Madison Square? I mean dude, it’s insane!”

Harry shook his head in disbelief, “Oh, don’t I know it. It’s absolutely mad, it is. I’m really just excited though. It’ll be a blast. And Zayn, I’ve got a seat in the fenced off VIP section at the side of the stage with your name on it.”

Zayn nodded, “I’m really looking forward to it, Harry.”

“You know,” Harry started, “I’ve been trying to write the next album right? And I just can’t seem to find anything to write about you know? I have nothing to say.”

“Well I guess I get it yeah, I mean the first album’s all about..” Niall trailed off cautiously.

“Louis-yeah” Harry finished for him with a sigh, “There’s Louis in every line yeah. Some of them I wrote when we were still together, you know the more upbeat ones, and then obviously the sadder ones, they’re about the aftermath of Louis.”

“Well maybe it would be time to try to start a new relationship, Harry. It could give you something else to write about?” Niall suggested, ignoring Zayn’s head-shakes and gestures to stop.

“Wish I could, but Louis was really it for me. He-he just ruined me for anyone else. God, he was everything, Niall.” Harry stared out the window, lost in memory.

“Well it sounds like you need to go find him then. Who wouldn’t be down to date THE Harry Styles? I’m sure he’d be thrilled if you reach back out?” Niall added excitably as Zayn face-palmed.

“It’s just not that easy, Nialler. I- well-what happened was..“ Harry’s gaze dropped to his hands in his lap. “I had to choose; Louis or the fame, the success. And-”

Harry ran his hand over his eyelids, “I just chose wrong.”

The rest of the ride was quiet. Zayn buried his head back into his book, Niall popped in his headphones, and Harry stared out the window at the city.

They pulled up to the Bowery Hotel, and Harry grimaced at the sight of hundreds of fans packed around the entry door. The driver got out to retrieve their luggage, and Harry gave Zayn and Niall a heads up on the mob situation.

“Looks nasty out there, guys. God it’s 1:30 in the morning. How long have they been out there?”

Zayn chuckled, “You know what they say, it’s the city that never sleeps.”

Niall laughed along, “Look on the bright side, Harry. These folks love you so much that they’ve stayed here till 1:30 in the morning.”

“They don’t even know me. Not really.” Harry mumbled under his breath before plastering on a smile, pushing open the car door, and greeting some of the fans.

Niall shot Zayn a concerned look and they followed Harry out into the crowds, pushing him gradually towards the lobby doors until they were safe inside. Niall went to retrieve their room keys, and Zayn turned concerned eyes to Harry and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, are you ok? I can’t help but be a little bit worried about you.”

Harry shrugged, “I’m just tired Z. I thought all this would make me happy, but I was- I was so much happier before I got famous.”

Zayn’s brow furrowed, “I don’t know what to say. I wish I could help.”

Niall returned with their room keys, handing one to Harry and one to Zayn before the trio headed up to their rooms.

Harry collapsed onto the mattress of his king sized bed. He was exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep, so he decided to drain the minibar. It wasn’t like he couldn’t pay for it.Harry drowned his regrets in mini bottles of expensive liquor and buried his spinning head in a down feather pillow until he passed out.

Hours later, the sun streamed through the hotel curtains that Harry hadn’t bothered to close the night before.

“Harry.” Harry pried open his crusted eyes at the sound of pounding on his hotel room door. His head pounded and he felt disgusting.

“Harry, open the door. You’ve got an interview in half an hour, come on.” Niall yelled.

Harry groaned, dragged himself out of bed, grabbing a T-shirt from his open suitcase on the way to open the door. 

“Sorry, Ni.” Harry grumbled, “just need a minute to freshen up and I’ll be ready to go. Is the car here?”

“Yeah, car is here and wardrobe is already at the set so you’re all good to go.” Niall handed a Harry a to go cup of tea.

“Sorry, I couldn’t remember the kind you liked so that’s just lemon ginger.”

“Yorkshire.”

“What?”

“The kind I drink-it’s Yorkshire. This works fine though, I appreciate it Nialler.”

Niall patted Harry on the back, “Things will turn around for you pal. I know they will. I’ll meet you at the car.”

The car finally pulled away from the hotel and Harry greeted Zayn and Niall again as they headed to the set of Harry’s first appearance.

“A day away from MSG! How you feeling?” Niall questioned.

Harry cracked a smile, “Still just excited. Feels a bit surreal.”

Not even four blocks away from the set, a taxi cab smashed into them from behind. Harry gasped as glass shattered from the rear window. Zayn’s arm, which was resting on the headrest of the passenger seat in front of him, was slammed against the roof of the car causing him to grunt in pain.

The driver turned around after the initial impact. “Everyone ok?”

Other than Zayn’s arm which he cradled in front of him, and a scratch on Niall’s cheek, they were, for the most part, ok.

“I’ll call another car for you guys, I’m gonna go talk to this other driver.”

Harry, Niall, and Zayn climbed out the backseat and stood on the sidewalk until an identical black Cadillac with another driver pulled up.

“Hello, I’ve been instructed to take you the hospital, the interview’s been rescheduled, and they need you all to get checked out.”

Harry thought about protesting but took a look at Zayn’s arm and reevaluated. They climbed in the car and were brought to the nearest hospital. A nurse of some-kind met them in the parking lot.

“Mr. Styles? Hello, sorry to hear about your unfortunate luck this morning. I can take you in the side entrance here and get you all taken care of right away.”

“Thank you so much, we really appreciate it. I’m so sorry for all the fuss.”

The nurse led them through a stairwell to an exam room.

“They’ll send someone in soon.” She smiled kindly and left the small room.

Harry turned concerned eyes to Zayn, “How’s the arm, Z?”

Zayn smiled back, “It’s really not too bad I don’t think its broken.”

“Good that’s good. And you’re good Ni? No hidden injuries.”

“Nope. Fit as a fiddle.”

Harry sighed, “Well, guess we were lucky then, I’m-.”

He was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Payne, I know it’s quite ironic, you can feel free to laugh at my expense.” A dark haired and chiseled doctor entered the room, looking down at the chart in his hand. He looked up. His jawline was brushed with light stubble and he wore round rimmed glasses.

“Oh- you’re Harry Styles.” He stepped backwards into the doorframe and hollered down the hall.

“Hey, Bebe! You know, a heads up would have been nice!” He laughed warmly stepped back into the room, closing the door.

Harry laughed as well, “It’s nice to meet you Dr. Payne. The hospital has been super accommodating, and I really appreciate it.”

“Oh it’s nothing. We get quite a few celebrities in here from time to time, we’re close to the nicer neighborhoods of the city. Plus you lot are always doing crazy things, find yourselves in the E.R.” He laughed at his own joke. “Please call me Liam by the way.”

Now, I’ll take all of your vitals, but you got anything that needs immediate attention?”

Harry turned to Zayn, and was surprised to find the discomfort that had previously been painted across his face was gone. Instead it was replaced by, was that infatuation?

 _Oh god, Zayn not the time_ , Harry thought.

“I-uh I just jammed my wrist. Its not all that bad I don’t think.”

“Ok, let’s take a look..” Liam trailed off.

“Zayn.”

“Zayn.” Liam bent down in front of Zayn’s chair reaching gently for his arm and meeting his eyes with a smile. Harry could practically see Zayn melting.

“Well,” Liam stood back up. “I think it’s just a sprain, Zayn, I’ll splint it for you after all of your vitals are taken.”

Liam opened the door of the exam room to step out and grab a blood pressure machine. He fixed the machine around Harry’s bicep and checked Harry’s pupils and heart rate.

“Well, everything looks good, man” Liam detached Harry’s arm from the machine before moving on to Niall.

Glancing out the open door, Harry’s eyes fell on a the back of a head of chestnut hair on a frame he thought he recognized.

_It couldn’t be._

Harry got out of his chair to look from the doorframe.

_There was no way._

But then, the head turned, and Harry’s jaw dropped. It was him. It was Louis, here in a New York City hospital, five years after Harry left his heart behind with him in Boston.

Louis was wearing a set of pale blue scrubs, laughing with a blonde girl next to him. He grabbed something off the counter and turned down the hall towards another exam room, waving goodbye to his coworker.

Harry was frozen in the doorframe. Louis looked so natural in the hospital, bouncing from task to task, lighting up the hallways. Harry snapped into action, the universe had gifted him with a second chance to be happy, and he couldn’t let it slip away again.

Harry darted onto the main floor of the emergency room in the direction Louis had gone. He walked past exam rooms peeking in the windows of every closed door. Then, he stopped in front of a room with the door wide open.

Louis was down on his knee, sewing up a cut on the knee of a little girl. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Louis touched her leg gently, speaking softly, while the girl held on tight to her mothers hand. He finished the stitches quickly, pulling out a sparkly gold bandage for the little girl.

“You did so good. Look I picked out this really pretty bandage just for you! Do you like it?” Louis smiled at the girl and she nodded.

Louis wrapped the stitches, adding the gold bandage.

“You were so brave, love.” Harry’s heart clenched at the sound of an endearment tumbling from Louis’s lips. “I’ll make sure the nurse knows you deserve a tootsie pop ok?”

Louis stood back up and patted the girls shoulder, and Harry didn’t even think to move before-

“Harry?”

The color drained from Louis’ face, but he calmly turned to wave goodbye to the girl and her mother, closing the door as he dragged Harry by the wrist into an empty room.

“Louis, I-“ Harry attempted.

“What are you doing here? You’re-you’re.. How? Why?” Louis’ eyes were wide and full of turmoil, his toner demanding and clipped.

“I have a show here tomorrow night. My friends and I- we were in a fender bender.”

Louis sputtered out in shock. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I had no idea you were here. You ended up in New York. I mean shit-Louis you went to med school. You really did it.”

Louis looked ready to bolt, “I-uh-yeah, of course I did.” His eyes traced the tiles of the hospital floor.

“And you’re a fucking celebrity.”

Harry grimaced uncomfortably, “I mean, I guess so, yeah.”

“What the fuck is going on- I have to go.” Louis pushed past Harry to leave the room, but Harry grabbed his hand.

“Louis please, I can’t just leave like this, please.”

Louis yanked his hand back, blue eyes meeting Harry’s in an ice cold stare.

“You didn’t have any trouble before.”

And he was gone.

Harry stood in the empty room, dumbfounded, for longer than he cared to admit before making his way back to Zayn and Niall. He walked into the exam room to find the handsome doctor pressing a stethoscope to Zayn’s chest while Zayn stared up at him with heart eyes.

Harry interrupted the moment, “I just saw Louis.”

Zayn and Niall whipped their heads around to stare at Harry.

“You what?” Screeched Zayn.

“Louis? _Louis_ , Louis? As in, Boston Louis, the only thing you can write songs about Louis? The one from your college, the one who wanted to be surgeon.. Oh my god..Does he work here?” Niall pieced his thoughts together out loud.

Harry ran his hands through his hair, “Yeah-yeah he does.”

“Um.. So now might be a good time to mention that it sounds like you’re talking about my best mate and roommate.” Interjected the doctor.

Zayn spun back around, “You live with Louis? Harry’s Louis?”

“Er- I mean, I didn’t even know that Louis had a history with uh-Harry Styles, of all people.” Liam chuckled, “Damn Tommo and his secrets. You know? This actually makes a lot of sense. I was wondering why he was so against you, refused to listen to any of your music. I always did think there was something a bit more personal there. Though, I wouldn’t have guessed this, of course.”

Harry looked like he was about to cry.

“Uh-Liam, could you-would you please try and give him my phone number?” Harry extended a small business card to Liam.

“I just really want to talk with him, and I know he probably doesn’t want to talk to me, but if you just give him the number, then maybe..” Harry’s voice cracked, “I don’t know-I just, give it to him please.”

Liam accepted the card and nodded.

“C’mon Harry let’s get you out of here.” Niall guided Harry out of the exam room and towards the car.

“Well, that took a turn.” Liam commented turning to Zayn. “I should probably try to find Louis, if I’m reading the situation right, he’s probably not doing too well right about now.”

“Yeah,” Zayn nodded, “Yeah you should.”

“Before I go though, I know it would be kinda complicated now, but maybe I could get your phone number?” Liam asked.

Zayn blushed and nodded, “Yeah, yeah for sure. I would love to see you again before I leave New York.

“I’d really like that, Zayn. And hey, who knows maybe Louis and Harry might be able to work it out.”

Zayn pursed his lips, “I think that might do Harry a world of good.”


	2. The Story of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 2! I hope you enjoy :)

“Louis. Freaking. Tomlinson.”

It was the next day. Taylor was sitting across the table from Louis and Liam in the hospital cafeteria.

“Louis-Freaking-Tomlinson.” Taylor shrieked again.

“Are you seriously telling me right now, that you dated Harry Styles in college? You are telling me right now that you have had _sex_ with _Harry Styles_ and you just failed to mention that?”

Louis buried his head in his hands.

“It’s a bit of a sensitive subject right now.” Liam explained.

“It’s not a sensitive subject.” Louis protested.

“Because he’s still in love with him.” Liam added.

“I am definitely not still in love with him.”

“Wait-so how long did you date for then?” Taylor questioned.

“Like more than two years?” Louis responded, staring down at his cafeteria french fries.

“Holy shit, Louis.” She exclaimed. “So it was like-serious.”

Louis raised his head meeting finally Taylor’s eyes, “There was a time in my life when I thought that I was gonna marry him, yes. But then he started getting famous, and heartthrob popstars can’t be gay, it ruins the brand.” Louis commented bitterly.

“So, he broke up with you to be famous and play straight?” Liam asked.

“Not exactly.” Louis admitted, “First he asked me to stay with him and hide in the closet. Then when I refused, I think he was gonna tell his label that they had to take him the way he was, but I couldn’t have him resenting me for causing his failure. We broke up, he left for L.A., and he’s clearly better off for it so, it is what it is I guess.”

“Except for the fact that he’s not better off.” Liam interjected. “You should of seen him after he talked to you yesterday. He was white as a ghost, trembling, and asking me to give you his phone number. And Zayn told me, Harry’s miserable with his life right now, and apparently still ridiculously in love with you.”

“Wait hold on-“ Taylor interjected, “Liam, Zayn as in Harry Styles’ friend, Zayn Malik, the supermodel? What are you doing talking to Zayn Malik?” her eyes were popping out of her head at this point.

Liam smirked, “I may have gotten his number when they were here.”

“Are you joking? Oh my god you two-this is not real.”

“I’m not gonna lie,” started Liam, “It gets even better. Zayn has three VIP tickets to Harry’s show tonight....”

Louis stiffened in his seat. “No-no absolutely not, there’s no way I’m going.”

“Louis, please.” Taylor grabbed his hand on top of the table. “I think it could be good for you, if only to get some closure and talk to him. If you were truly over it, then you wouldn’t be having this visceral of a reaction in the first place.”

“I have to agree with Taylor on this one.” Liam added, “It could be good for you. Besides, we never do anything fun together, none of us are on long call tonight, and these are like ridiculously expensive tickets for free.”

Louis rubbed his palms over his eyes and groaned, “Fine. I’ll go, but I already know how much this is gonna suck.”

Taylor clapped her hands in celebration, stopped and shook her head gently in disbelief, “Jeez, Lou, I still can’t believe you dated THE Harry Styles.”

“To be fair, when I met him he wasn’t THE Harry Styles, he was just a boy. It feels like so long ago now.

So much has happened.”

\---

_“Can I sit here?”_

_Louis looked up from his textbook to find a pair of bright green eyes blinking at him eagerly. He had been sitting cross legged under the shade of a tree in the quad of Boston University for about two hours, and was about due for an interruption. It just so happened that it came in the form of a smiling and lanky brunette boy._

_“Have at it.” Louis answered, patting the ground beside him. “I’m cramming for a test tomorrow, so I don’t have much time to chat, but go ahead and sit, yeah.”_

_The boy had shoulder length brown curls and dimples. He plopped himself down next to Louis tossing his messenger bag to the side._

_“You from the UK too, then?” Louis questioned, picking up on the boy’s accent._

_“Yeah-yeah, moved here for school. You?”_

_“Originally from there yeah, but my family has been living in New York State for a couple years now.”_

_“That’s cool. So, what’s the test in?”_

_Louis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “inorganic chemistry”_

_“Ouch.” The other boy grimaced. “What’s your major then?”_

_“It’s uh-biochemistry.”_

_The boy nodded, impressed, “Wow, you must be really smart. I’m Harry Styles by the way, guess I should have said that sooner.” he added with a shrug of his shoulders._

_Louis shook his head, “I’m Louis Tomlinson, and I’m not all that smart really, I just know what I want.”_

_“And what’s that?”_

_“To be a surgeon.”_

_“Wow.” Harry flopped onto his back on the grass staring up at the clouds. “It must be nice to know what you wanna do with your life.”_

_Louis fell back into the grass beside him. “Searching for purpose, Harry?”_

_Harry shrugged. “I guess so. I’m an English major. I think I might like to write a book someday, but I don’t quite have a story to tell yet.”_

_“Well it sounds like you have a place to start, at least.”_

_Louis turned his head to look at Harry, but found green eyes already staring softly at his profile. Louis blinked and averted his gaze to the grass between their shoulders. The air between them filled with a tension that he couldn’t quite place, and Louis decided the best course of action was a subject change._

_Louis sat back up and turned his head back to look at Harry, “What brings you to the quad this afternoon then?”_

_Harry wiped the confusion from his face and smiled, sitting up to be next to Louis._

_“Well-my roommate’s a theatre major.”_

_Louis flashed him a sympathetic expression._

_Harry laughed softly, “No, he’s really not bad at all, he’s just got a self-tape due tomorrow and it’s just a bit loud and repetitive and all.”_

_Louis nodded in understanding, “Gotcha, well it sounds like you’re a good sport for putting up with it all the time.”_

_Harry laughed, “Well he’s a great guy, talented too.”_

_“You would know.”_

_Harry bit at his full bottom lip._

_“Listen, Louis, I was wondering if uh- maybe you would want to grab dinner sometime, with me I mean.”_

_Louis’ eyes widened in shock. It took him a minute to find his voice, “Oh, Harry, jeez mate, I really appreciate the offer, but I think I must have given you the wrong idea. I’ve got a girlfriend actually.”_

_Harry blinked, eyes cast down onto the grass._

_“Oh. A girlfriend?”_

_“Yeah, uh-yeah” Louis fingers picked at the blades of grass below him._

_“Well, I thought-actually it doesn’t matter. I just read some stuff wrong is all. No big deal, Louis. Let’s be friends then. Yeah?”_

_Louis cleared his throat uneasily, “uh-friends. Yeah for sure, mate. That sounds great.”_

_Harry smiled brightly and Louis’ heart rate picked up. Harry popped up onto his feet towering above Louis._

_“I should let you get back to your books then. I’ll see you around, Louis, and I hope you do well on your test tomorrow.”_

_Harry tapped the side of Louis’ arm and set off across the quad back towards the dorms._

_Louis’ phone buzzed once from under his leg and he grabbed it to read._

**_imessage: Eleanor_ ** ****

**_Hey, around what time are you gonna be done there? I’m hungry!_ **

_Louis tapped out a response and picked up his study materials, stuffing them into the tote bag he’d brought. He left to meet up with his girlfriend, but couldn’t ignore the the realizations that were flooding his system._

_He couldn’t brush off the fact that he had just felt more chemistry with a boy that he had only known for a grand total of two minutes, than he had ever been able to manufacture with his girlfriend of six months.On top of that, he was supposed to be straight-oh shit, Louis was in for it._

\---

Louis, Liam, and Taylor had arrived at Madison Square Garden and were waiting in-front of the door that Zayn had told them to find. A burly security guard opened the door.

“Tomlinson?”

Louis sighed, “Yeah that’d be us, mate.”

The security guard handed them passes to wear around their necks. They were led through swaths of people on the floor towards a barricaded area against the stage. Zayn waved from the other side of the barricade. The security guard unlatched a gate and allowed them into the section. Zayn was the only other person there.

“Welcome, you guys! It’s nice to have some company here. It’s usually just me, unless someone’s family decides to come to a show, or Niall’s girlfriend sometimes.”

Liam smiled brightly at Zayn, “Thank you so much for the tickets, Zayn. I’m really glad this worked out.”

Zayn smiled back at Liam, “I’m just really really glad you could make it.” They walked towards one side of the barricaded section to chat, leaving Louis and Taylor standing alone.

Taylor looked at Louis, “Are you nervous?” She asked gently.

Louis thought about it before nodding, “Yeah. I’m getting really nervous, Tay.”

Taylor reached down and squeezed Louis’ hand. “Lou, just say the word and we’ll grab Liam and get out of here, and never talk to any of these people ever again. But, just in case this was something you needed to do, I felt like we had to push you, whether this finally helps you move on, or you find that there’s something worth trying to salvage between you and Harry.”

Louis scoffed.

“Lou, you don’t stay in love with someone for five years, unless you have something pretty rare.”

“I’m not in love with him”

Taylor sighed, “Ok, ok, I know how to pick my battles.

Louis looked around the huge stadium, shocked by the sheer volume of fans that Harry had. He hugged his arms close to his body.

Louis turned back to Taylor,eyes vulnerable, “I’ve never listened to the album.” He admitted softly, ”I was too scared that it would take me somewhere that I wouldn’t be able to get back from. I kept telling myself that I’d listen when I was ready, but I never have been, and now we’re here, Taylor, at his concert, and I’ve never heard the album. I’m scared it’s gonna be all about me.”

Taylor didn’t know what to say to that, so she just squeezed Louis’ hand a little tighter.

Harry took the stage some time later starting the show with Best Song Ever.

_Ok. I’ve heard this one from back when we were together._

Louis thought.

_Maybe this won’t be so bad._

Harry was a ball of energy, laughing and chatting with his fans in a floral suit and white button up. Louis wasn’t sure if Harry had spotted him yet, certainly Zayn had shared with him that Louis was there.

“Well, hello, Madison Square Garden” Harry’s voice reverberated around the massive stadium. Louis had longed to hear that voice for five years, and now, he couldn’t even begin to cope with hearing it all around him.

Just then, Louis felt the weight of Harry’s gaze. Something passed over Harry’s face and he looked away.

“Can I just say, New York City, you all look beautiful tonight.” The crowd went wild for Harry.

Louis couldn’t tear his eyes off of Harry.

_He still looks so beautiful on stage._

Harry moved and interacted with his fans like a natural. The crowd was hanging onto every word, screaming his name.

“So, this song I wrote a while back, and the night I wrote it, I wasn’t in a great place, but I was determined to write an upbeat song, so I wrote this song as kind of a memorial for a specific moment in time. If I could freeze the beautiful _beautiful_ picture in my head that I wrote this song about and live in it forever,” Harry’s eyes locked onto Louis’, “Well, New York City, I would. This is Only Angel.”

Drums and guitars filled the air. Harry strutted up and down the stage, singing suggestive lyrics into his microphone.

Louis was shocked to say the least. Harry had written a song about sex. He’d gone and written a song about sex with Louis.

Louis might wonder if the song was about some woman Harry had been with in the last five years, but he caught a few lyrics that lined up with specific nights that Harry and Louis spent together. If the lyrics didn’t make it clear enough for Louis, Harry’s heated gaze and scans of Louis’ body left Louis no room to question it at all. Louis blushed bright red and Zayn, Liam, and Taylor all had a laugh at his expense.

The rest of the concert passed in mostly the same way, Louis recognized a lot of the songs that he knew Harry had written before the break up, like Night Changes, Midnight Memories, and What a Feeling, he also recognized Kiwi, though he doesn’t think he ever heard the full version of it before the break up.

Louis had a hard time keeping it together during Strong, as he distinctly remembered Harry lying shirtless next to him in bed, guitar on his lap, writing the song and pressing kisses all over Louis’ body every-time he wrote a line he particularly liked.

“Madison Square Garden, it’s almost time for us to say goodnight. I have three more songs for you tonight, and as you probably already know, I like to close my shows on a bit of a sadder note, and I’ll tell you why. You see, performing up here for you, getting to do this is one of the greatest joys of my life, but on my way here, I made a bad move and ended up losing the person I loved.”

Louis sucked in a sharp breath of air, eyes wide with shock and heart thundering.

“And, New York City, I love you, you know I do, but I would give all of this up just to have them back. So, I guess it’s just never felt right to leave a concert on a high note, ending with these songs reminds me of the cost.”

Harry pulled his guitar up into his lap and settled himself on a stool.

“Thank you for your ears, New York. This is Right Now.”

This was one that Louis had never heard. He gripped the edge of the barricade tightly, his eyes quickly filling with tears. He resonated with exactly what the song was about, because he remembered feeling it too.

 _“Right now, I wish you were here with me”_ Louis was supposed to be there when Harry’s music career finally took off.

 _“Cause right now, everything is new to me”_ Harry was supposed to be there when Louis got into med school.

This was not the plan.

Right now was over in the blink of an eye.

Harry began a song called Sweet Creature and Louis could no longer attempt to hold back his tears, they dropped hopelessly off the side of his face dripping onto Louis’ shirt and the ground.

It hurt so bad for Louis to hear Harry make bold, beautiful declarations of love through his music. It hurt to know that somewhere along the way, they had let what they had go, when it was once so precious to them.

“This will be my last song of the night. It’s called Meet Me In the Hallway. This one is yours, sunshine.”

Louis gasped softly at the dedication. Zayn slid up against the barricade to stand next to an openly sobbing Louis.

“He says it at every show. For as long as I’ve been around, ‘sunshine’ always gets a song.” Zayn spoke matter-of-factly without meeting Louis’ eyes, he turned and walked back to Liam.

If Louis thought that listening to Harry’s love song was painful, it was absolutely nothing compared to hearing Harry’s anguish laid bare on the stage for Louis and all of Madison Square Garden to see.

The song absolutely ripped Louis open, the pain that he had pushed away for years was suddenly demanding to be felt. After what felt like hours, Harry played the last chord and waved to the crowd before heading backstage. A few minutes passed as the crowds started to funnel through the exits.

Taylor and Liam approached Louis with worry in their eyes, while he stood gripping onto the barricade like it was the only thing holding him up. His small body shook with the weight of the sobs that were falling from his lips.

Zayn placed his hand on the small of Liam’s back and whispered into his ear, “Li- I’m gonna go get Harry.”

Liam only nodded in response, and Zayn hurried away. Taylor wrapped her arms around Louis’ shoulders and Liam pried his hands from the railing of the barricade. 

“Hey, hey, Louis. It’s ok, man.” Louis choked on another sob.

Taylor crouched to meet his eyes “Take a deep breath, Lou.”

Gradually they were able to calm Louis down.

“Sorry you guys, I just- that was a lot all at once. I’ve been trying to ignore him for so long and that just- it was a lot.” Louis attempted to explain.

Liam looked around the emptying stadium nervously, “Uh- Louis?”

Louis sniffed, looking up at Liam, “What?”

“Zayn may have mentioned that he was going to get Harry, a couple minutes ago, so if that sounds like a really bad idea right now, then we should probably leave, like now.”

Louis’ eyes widened, “I-I don’t know. I think it might be ok to see him, but maybe we should just go-“

“Please don’t.” Harry appeared from somewhere behind the stage. He was still in the floral suit, but his eyes looked tired, happy stage persona wiped away.

Louis froze, blinking at Harry’s figure in front of him.

Harry stepped closer, “Louis, I was hoping we could talk.”

Louis stared at Harry, he shook his head, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Please, Louis. You gotta give me a chance here. You’re here, at my show, you came, and I really want to talk to you. Please?”

Louis looked at the ground and nodded, “ok, yeah.”

Harry waited for Louis to look up and meet his eyes before responding, “Thank you.”

Louis turned to Taylor and Liam, “You guys should go, I’ll be home later, Liam. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, Tay.”

Taylor and Liam nodded and turned to leave with Zayn, who was already standing by the exit.

Harry waited until they were gone and stepped closer to Louis.

“Hi.” He breathed out.

Louis swallowed, “Hi.” he responded quietly.

“Will you come back to my dressing room with me?” Louis nodded and followed Harry behind the stage and through a door. Harry brought Louis down a hallway waving at the people they passed, until he stopped in front of a door with his name on it, opening it to let Louis in.

“Thanks.” Louis mumbled as Harry held the door open for him to walk in. Harry closed it behind himself.

“Uh-sit down, wherever you want, make yourself comfortable.”

Louis would not call himself comfortable in that moment. “Thanks.” he managed, sitting down on a plush chair across from the couch that Harry sat down on.

“Thank you for coming, Louis. It-uh-it means so much.”

“Yeah-It was really good, Harry, you were really great up there.”

“Thank you, I really wanna hear about your work. What are you doing?”

Louis smiled, relieved to land on a topic of conversation that he knew how to approach.

“Oh man, I love it. I’m doing my residency. I went to med school, obviously, after uh-“ Louis’ eyes widened and he paused awkwardly, “I went to med school, stayed at Boston for that, and then I residency-matched here at New York Pres. It’s been a great program so far-I mean I’m only in my second year, but I’ve learned a lot. Just starting to round the specialties and figure out which direction I might be headed.” Louis looked up at Harry after his mini-rant to find Harry staring back with awe on his face.

“I-uh-I’m just really glad you’re so happy, Louis.” Harry smiled a little sadly, “You’re doing exactly what you said you would. It’s just really something to see.”

Louis tensed slightly, “I mean, yeah you too, this is what you wanted, right?”

Harry sighed, face crumpling, “Louis, that’s not fair.”

“It is though. Isn’t it? Every girl’s in love with Harry Styles.” Louis chuckled bitterly. “Tough for them.”

“Louis-“

“No you know what, you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to just drop all that stuff on me out there, and then tell me I’m not allowed to sit here and be upset. If you really wanna talk-then fine, let’s talk, but I’m not gonna sit here and exchange life updates with you when it feels like I can’t fucking breathe, Harry.”

Louis collapsed against the back of his chair, red in the face.

Harry was taken aback by the outburst “Wow-uh-Louis, I never said you’re not allowed to be upset, and I- I understand that the concert was emotionally draining for you. It- can’t be easy to watch- er-I mean..” Harry searched for the words.

“I’d never heard them before.” Louis admitted quietly. Harry turned him to him, confusion, evident on his face.

“The songs-the new ones. The ones that are about me, about us, and losing us. I’d never heard them until tonight.” He continued.

“You mean you never-“ Harry looked disappointed.

“Never listened to your album? No, but not because I didn’t want to. It was because I couldn’t handle it, knew I wouldn’t be able to dig myself out of the hole they would throw me down. Probably still wasn’t quite ready, if I’m being honest. I didn’t know you still cared so much.”

Harry still looked confused. “But-wait, you must have seen. The tabloids, social media, the world loves to speculate about my lost ‘sunshine’. I’m the tragic popstar who whines over the same mystery person at every show. I’m surprised they’re not tired of me yet.”

Louis bit his lip hesitantly, “There’s a small possibility that I have your name muted on all my social media and news apps.”

Harry laughed out loud, “God, Louis. Of course you do. You know, I thought you’d seen it all, and you’d just thought I was like pathetic or something.”

Louis laughed. “No, nope, had no idea you’ve been pining, popstar.”

It went silent. The air crackled with the energy between them.

Louis’ features went soft and vulnerable again, “Did you mean it? What you said during the concert. That you’d give it all up?”

Harry seemed caught off guard by the question, but he looked Louis dead in the eyes, and inhaled through his nose.

“Every word with every part of me.”

Louis just stared at the wall behind Harry’s head. “I have to think.”

“Uh-you- Oh yeah, of-of course.”

“I’m gonna go now.” Louis was up from the chair making his way to the door of the dressing room.

“Louis, let me call you a car. I can-“

“No need, I’ll take the train.” And Louis was out the door.

Harry sat back onto the couch slowly, trying to absorb the conversation he’d just had.

Zayn knocked on the door five minutes later and Harry looked up at him as he entered, something new in his eyes that had been missing for a long time: hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter will include a flashback to Harry and Louis during college! I hope you liked this chapter. Check back for the next chapter soon!  
> xoxo -Jackie


	3. Begin Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Welcome to Chapter 3 of The Other Side of the Door!  
> Notes for this chapter:  
> -there is a character death, but it is not a main character or a rp  
> -so for Harry's album, Harry has released only one album which would have some songs from the 1D discography and then the songs on HS1 as well.  
> -there's another flashback in this chapter, and the flashbacks will have significant time skips between them

Louis rolled over in bed, waking up way before his alarm sounded. He couldn’t really get any sleep, he had a lot on his mind. It was an hour before he had to head to work.

_Might as well go for a jog._

He decided.

Getting out of bed, Louis threw on running clothes and shoes and stepped onto the New York streets. There was a trail at the small park on the corner of his block. Louis crossed the street kicking into a jog once he reached the park. His ear pods synched to his phone and Louis looked down at his music library hesitantly.

His finger hovered over the search bar, finally giving in and typing in Harry’s name. It was time for Louis to listen to the album he’d been avoiding.

Louis jogged the path listening to the album from the beginning, grimacing at the pain in Harry’s voice that he heard throughout Meet Me in the Hallway and From the Dining Table, and enjoying the pace that some of the faster songs set for his jog.

Two Ghosts hit Louis like a punch to the gut. His brain immediately caught the lyric about his blue eyes. Once he knew the song was about him, the following lyrics settling into his mind caused a painful pit to form in the bottom of his stomach. Louis abruptly stopped his jog, running his hand over his eyes that were glassy with tears. Louis was shocked by the twinge of longing in his core, he wanted to fix things with Harry, he wanted Harry back.

_It’s too much._

Louis argued with himself.

_He doesn’t just get to pop back up, after all this time, and just expect everything to go back to the way it was. That’s crazy._

Louis returned to the flat, tried to clear his head with a shower, and met Liam in the kitchen to catch the train to the hospital.

“You’ve been up?” Liam asked him, cautiously.

“Couldn’t sleep much.” Louis answered gruffly.

“Are you ok?” A small crinkle appearing in Liam’s concerned brow.

“Don’t wanna talk about it really.”

“Sure, Lou. Here whenever you want to.”

Louis nodded in return and in appreciation for Liam’s decision not to push. They had always understood each other in a special way. Liam knew when Louis was on the verge of snapping, so he shouldn’t press, and he also knew when Louis secretly needed to get it out, and he should force him to talk.

This time though, Liam knew to let it slide and they headed to the train station. They waited for the train and Louis stared at the platform picture of Harry. He looked at home on the stage, beautiful even, but where Louis thought he saw pride in Harry’s eyes the first time he looked at the image, he could now see masked uncertainty, and maybe even regret.

_Maybe Harry isn’t such an arrogant son of a bitch._

Louis was still so confused about how they managed to fall apart in the first place.

_\- -_

_The music was blaring through the frat basement that Louis had somehow ended up in on a Friday night. The floor was pulsing with the vibrations of the bass and drunken students were laughing and yelling all around. Louis was two vodka shots in and had lost track of his friends a while ago on the dance floor._

_Life had changed pretty dramatically for Louis in the last four months since he realized that he was gay. He broke up with his girlfriend, who took the whole situation in stride and was already dating a new guy. He also found the courage to come out to his family, who of course responded with love and support. Louis figured that they’d been wondering for a while. He’d even gathered the balls to make out with a random guy at a party a few weeks before, though to be fair he was absolutely hammered before it happened._

_Regardless, Louis felt like a changed man. The fact that he was indeed gay made so many things about his earlier life make much more sense. His obsession with the Olympic male gymnastics team during junior high and the way all of his girlfriends had felt like friends that he had to kiss occasionally, weren’t just things that made him odd. They were things that made him gay._

_Someone handed Louis a Jell-O shot and the song changed to one that he hadn’t heard before. His eyes scanned the basement looking for any of his friends, but instead he saw a different familiar face._

_“Harry!” Louis waved his arms across the room and Harry’s eyes fell on him with a big smile. Harry crossed the room to greet Louis, grinning happily._

_“Louis, how are you? Been a while.”_

_Louis huffed, “Well it’s hard to be friends when you didn’t think to give me your phone number. Isn’t it?”_

_Harry laughed softly at Louis’ brazenness. “Sorry about that, guess it is my bad. You’ve been here a while then?”_

_“Not that long.”_

_Harry nodded gently, “Well I-“_

_“I broke up with my girlfriend. I broke up with my girlfriend like four months ago.”_

_Harry’s eyes widened in disbelief, “You did? Well we met what like..?”_

_Louis eyes met Harry’s with certainty. “About four months ago, yeah.”_

_“Well, wow, uh I’m sorry to hear that I guess.” Harry’s teeth dug into his bottom lip like on the day they first met._

_“Don’t be. She deserves to be with someone who’s actually attracted to her.”_

_Harry coughed in surprise pulling his fingers through his hair and leaning forward, “Sorry what was that. Uh-say again.”_

_Louis cracked a smile, eyes shining at Harry, “Oh, I’m just gay is all. Only it took me a while to catch on I guess.”_

_Harry’s mouth widened into a smile, “uh- well I- G-good to know, good to know.”_

_Louis laughed out loud, “The thing about catching on so late though, I missed so many opportunities.”_

_Harry pressed his lips together and chuckled again, “A shame, truly.”_

_Louis raised his eyebrows teasingly, “And there’s one in particular I’ve been really wanting to make up for.”_

_“No? Really?”_

_“Really, really. Could I get your phone number maybe, if you’re still interested in that dinner? Offer still stand?”_

_Harry smiled widely, dimples popping onto his cheeks, “Oh, it definitely still stands.”_

_Louis handed over his phone and Harry entered in his contact information and passed the phone back. Louis felt a spark of electricity where their fingers brushed at the back of Louis’ phone and leaned into the gentle touch. Louis ran his other hand up the side of Harry’s arm and Harry looked down at his hand with teasing raised eyebrows. Louis reached up to tug at one of Harry’s curls._

_“s’longer” Louis dutifully observed._

_“Yeah, a bit.”_

_“Looks nice. I like it.”_

_Harry smiled again, “Thanks, Louis.”_

_Harry turned at the sound of his name being called from somewhere else in the room._

_“I should see what my friend wants. Text me ok, Louis? I’m really glad to see you doing so well with yourself and all that.”_

_Louis looked up at Harry through his eyelashes, “I’ll text you. Thanks for helping me make up for my missed opportunity.”_

_Harry ran his hand over the side of his face to try and hide his widening grin._

_“I’m looking forward to it.”_

_And then he was gone, Louis couldn’t believe that he hadn’t just dreamed or imagined the interaction._

_It was Harry. Dreamy Harry from the quad four months ago that asked him out and changed his whole life. It was Harry and now Harry’s number was sitting in his phone. What was Louis’ life?_

_The next morning, Louis decided to man up and just send Harry a text. He’d made it super clear that he was interested in Louis, hadn’t he?_

_Louis composed a short message, stopping a few times to delete and retype. He ended on:_

**_Hey, it’s Louis. I was really lucky to run into last night. Hope you’re up for dinner sometime soon?_ ** ****

_Sent. Louis clicked his phone off and sat up in bed. Now he waits._

_He hopped out of bed and threw on a pair of sweats and a shirt. He had plans to spend most of the day in the library doing his homework for the week ahead, it wasn’t easy being pre-med. Not five minutes after he sent the first text, Louis’ phone buzzed in his hand._

**_imessage: Harry_ **

**_Well hello, Louis. I’m very glad I ran into you too :) and yes!! I want to go to dinner. Very much._ **

_He sent back:_

**_Glad I haven’t scared you off yet. When are you free?_ **

**_imessage: Harry_ ** ****

**_Oh you have. I’m terrified of cute boys with pretty eyes. I’m free Wednesday?_ **

_And with that text. Louis Tomlinson was falling. Hard._

_\- -_

Harry turned his face and buried it into his hotel room pillow. The night before flooded back to him and his eyes shot open.

_Louis._

He saw Louis. He’d spoken to Louis. Louis was right next to him, close enough to touch. Harry wanted nothing more than to give in to the urge to scoop Louis into his arms in the dressing room, but until Louis said otherwise, Harry had to be content with the proximity and the delicate conversation. Harry sat up in bed, texting Niall and Zayn that he was up.

Niall and Zayn knocked on the door ten minutes later, and Harry was already up and dressed.

Zayn grinned knowingly, “Someone’s chipper this morning.”

Niall chuckled and teased, “Wonder why?”

“Oh just shut it, both of you. Is that for me?” Harry pointed at the to go cup that Niall held in his hand.

“It is.” Niall handed him the cup, “Yorkshire this time, had to ask for it special, you know.”

Harry sipped from the cup of tea and smiled at Niall, “It’s perfect, thanks, Ni.”

Zayn patted Harry on the shoulder, “It is good to see you in such a good mood, H. We’ve gotta figure out how to keep it like this, don’t we?”

Nervousness flashed across Harry’s features.

“I -uh, I guess it’s up to him now.”

“Come on you two, we’ve got a brunch date with that one producer you wanted to meet, Harry.” Niall changed the subject.

Before they followed Niall out the hotel room door, Harry looked at Zayn.

“You’ve been in touch with Liam right, has he said if..”

“He said Louis hasn’t said much.” Zayn said thoughtfully, “Also said that Louis is definitely trying to process. Liam thinks he went for a run this morning?”

Harry wrinkled his nose, “Louis went for a run? He doesn’t like running.”

“I figured you’d know if that was out of character.” Zayn concluded. “Either way, you’ve just gotta wait and let him process now, Harry. There’s no questioning the fact that he’s still got feelings for you, he’s probably just overwhelmed.”

Harry shrugged his shoulders, “Who knows if he’s still got feelings for me, Z? It’s been five years.”

Zayn looked at Harry incredulously, “You didn’t see him at the end of the concert; Sobbing like it was the end of the world, shaking like a leaf, couldn’t take his eyes off of you like he was scared you were just gonna disappear or something.”

Harry stared at Zayn with a furrowed brow, “I-I just don’t know.”

“Ok, Harry, just try not to think about it. I’ll let you know if I hear anything from Liam.”

Louis was working the E.R. again, and Taylor and Liam both got put on different surgical services. It was the 4:00, and Louis had long call that night, so he’d be there until 9:00. The soles of his feet ached from running around the hospital all day, and he was exhausted due to his inability to sleep the night before.

Louis cracked his knuckles and shook his head to wake himself up and then grabbed his next chart off the E.R. counter. He headed to the exam room listed on the chart and knocked on the door.

“Mr. Scott? I’m Dr. Tomlinson, I hope you haven’t been waiting too long.”

An elderly couple sat in the exam room. The man on the exam table, with his wife perched on the nearby chair, her small hand folded in his.

“Not too long.” The woman answered Louis with a smile.

“Ah, you must be his daughter.” Louis smiled warmly, using a trick he’d picked up from Liam.

The woman blushed and smiled, her husband chuckled, “No, doctor, I’m his wife, thank you very much, though.” _Worked_ _every time._

“Ah, my bad,” Louis winked. “Now, what brings you in today?”

“I’ve been having pretty bad chest pains,”Mr. Scott told Louis.

Mrs. Scott turned to Louis, smile gone from her face, “We were supposed to go on vacation to Italy, this morning, was gonna be our honeymoon, but we decided not to risk it.”

“Honeymoon?” Louis raised his eyebrows.

“We found each other quite late in life.” Mrs. Scott explained sweetly.

“Proves it’s never too late to find the love of your life,” Mr. Scott added, eyes glued to his wife, “Not a single thing in my life felt right until I met her.”

Louis felt like he was invading a private moment, “Well, I think you definitely made the right decision,” He looked down at the chart again, “It says here you have a history of heart attacks, Mr. Scott?”

“Yes, had one last year. So, we’ve been trying to get as much living and seeing the world as we can in before I croak.”

Mrs. Scott turned to him angrily, “Marty, enough of that. You know I don’t like it.”

Mr. Scott grabbed her hand between both of his, pressing a kiss to the top.

“Sorry, my dear.” He turned to Louis, “She does not appreciate my cynicism.” He explained.

“I just don’t need the reminder.” She shook her head at him.

Louis smiled at their sweet dynamic.

“Alright, well I will page a nurse from cardio to take you up for some scans, and then if it is an impending cardio problem, they will start to take care of that. Ok?”

“Thanks, Doc.” Mr. Scott smiled kindly at Louis. 

Louis left the room, grabbing his next chart and continuing his E.R. work. A few hours and many more patients later, he met Liam and Taylor in the hospital cafeteria. Louis grabbed a sandwich and slumped into the chair across from Liam and next to Taylor.

Taylor turned to smile tiredly at Louis, “Long day?”

Louis nodded.

“Not over yet.” Liam added, shoving french fries into his mouth.

Louis rested his forehead on the table.

“Hey, how did talking to Harry go?” Taylor questioned Louis.

Louis groaned, “Do we really have to talk about this right now?”

“It might help,” argued Liam. “Tay and I happen to be fountains of wisdom.”

This pulled a laugh out of Louis, “Sure, sure, you two know I love you, but Liam you’ve had what like zero boyfriends and Taylor you’ve had like forty girlfriends and boyfriends.”

Taylor threw a tater-tot at Louis, “Shut up, Lou. That just makes me wiser. Besides,” Taylor raised her eyebrows playfully at Louis and Liam, “I think this guy is actually gonna last. He’s a businessman you know?”

Liam smiled, “Joe, right?”

Taylor beamed and nodded, “Yeah, he’s just really great, you guys.”

“Well I’m happy if you’re happy, T. Does that mean you’ve stopped talking to you know who?” Louis questioned gently.

Taylor had been having trouble getting over her last serious relationship. The last few months she’d still been meeting up with her ex-girlfriend and jumping to appease her whenever she decided to text Taylor.

“Yeah, yeah, haven’t talked to her in like eh, three weeks. Told her I can’t hang out anymore.” Taylor responded sipping on her iced tea.

Louis and Liam looked impressed.

“Damn, Tay. I’m proud of you. Now back to poor Louis and his popstar boyfriend.” Liam turned to Louis.

Louis shot him an annoyed look, “ _Not_ my boyfriend, thanks.”

Liam laughed, “Ok fine, whatever, Lou, but you’ve gotta tell us how that conversation went down.”

Louis crossed his arms, “I don’t know, I told him I hadn’t heard his album, hadn’t seen that he was singing songs for me at his concerts. I got mad at him for a while. He said that he would give it all up to go back to how we were. I guess I just don’t know what we can even be, I mean he’s like a major celebrity and my life is here, so.”

Taylor looked at Louis skeptically, “Yeah, so that sounds like an excuse. It seems to me, that Harry really still loves you, and I think maybe you love him too, Lou. If you don’t, then tell him there’s nothing here for him anymore, but if you both love each other, then figure out how to make it work. It’s worth it.”

Louis looked down at the table, “Don’t even have a way to contact him anyway.” He mumbled.

Liam slid a business card under his nose.

“Gave it to me to pass on that first day they all came into the E.R.” Liam explained when Louis looked at him quizzically. “Didn’t give it to you sooner because I didn’t want you to like burn it or throw it out or something stupid.”

Taylor stood up and grabbed her tray, “Alright boys, I’ll see you tomorrow. I should get back upstairs. It’s been a rough day in cardio.”

Louis was still staring at the business card with Harry’s number printed across the middle in black ink.

Liam hummed, standing up with Taylor, “Really, why?”

Taylor frowned, “We had a guy crash in the CT machine. Couldn’t get him back. The wife was standing right outside.”

Liam nodded sympathetically, “Rough.”

Louis’ head snapped up, “The Scotts?”

Taylor turned to him in surprise, “Uh-yeah, how did you?”

Louis stood up, clearing his tray. He turned back to Liam and Taylor.

“They were supposed to be on their honeymoon right now.” Louis said straightly, then he turned and headed back down to finish his shift, leaving Liam and Taylor concerned in the cafeteria.

Louis finished his shift robotically. He filled out charts, sutured lacerations, and administered IV’s while his mind kept returning to Mr. and Mrs. Scott.

 _Today is the worst day of her life._ Louis thought. _There’s not enough time._

He finally finished his shift, changed out of his scrubs and met Liam at the hospital doors. They caught the train back to their flat, respecting the routine of the silent train ride. During his fifteen minutes of solitude, Louis checked that Liam was occupied on a phone call and not paying any attention to him before he pulled out the business card. Louis entered the number into his phone.

**Hey, it’s Louis. Liam gave me your number. I guess I don’t know what to say, but I would like it if we could be back in touch.**

Louis braced himself and pressed send. He stared at the text message for a second. Suddenly, the typing bubbles popped up on the bottom of the screen.

**Louis, god, it’s so good to hear from you. Yes, I would love that:)**

Ok, so, Harry seemed interested in texting Louis, that was a good sign. Louis was about to formulate a response when another text popped onto his screen.

**How was your day at work? I really wanna know more about what you do everyday!!**

_Oh God._

Louis thought.

_He could get used to this far too fast._


	4. It's Nice To Have A Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for this update taking so long. Finals kicked my butt! This chapter is a bit shorter, as the action is gonna pick up more next chapter!  
> Thanks for reading,  
> xo Jackie

-

_“Harry, love, wake up. It’s Thanksgiving.”_

_Louis and Harry were cuddled up in Harry’s single bed. Harry had a single person dorm while Louis had a roommate, so Louis spent most nights at Harry’s._

_They’d been dating for 8 months packed full of university stereotypes. Harry helped Louis study for stressful tests, they made ramen noodles with hot tap water, and they made out on sweaty dance floors at frat parties. They were living the collegiate existence to the fullest._

_Harry’s eyes squinted open. “G’morning Lou, Happy Thanksgiving.” He whispered._

_Louis nuzzled his face into the nape of Harry’s neck and Harry’s arm tightened around Louis’ waist while he pressed a kiss to the side of the smaller boy’s head._

_Louis sat up and stretched turning to stare lovingly at Harry, “I’m grateful for you, you know.”_

_Harry hummed, “Grateful for you too. Now come back here.” He grabbed Louis’ wrist and yanked him back against his chest._

_“I love you, Lou.”_

_Louis smiled as bright as he did the first time those words left Harry’s mouth a few months before._

_“I love you too.”_

_“What are we gonna do today then?”_

_Neither Louis nor Harry had the funding or energy for trips back to their families for the short break, so they decided to spend the day together on campus instead, and make the trips back home for Christmas._

_Louis sat back up and stretched his arms up over his head. “Well I promised mum I would call today, and it’s about time you phone home too isn’t it, love?”_

_Harry sat up, wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist and resting his head on Louis’ shoulder. “Mhmm, yeah I should. My mum wants to meet you, everyone does.”_

_Louis turned to Harry and grinned, “Can’t wait, love. I’m great with parents.”_

_Harry’s laughed pulling his head back and off of Louis’ shoulder, “Oh, I’m sure you are.”_

_“My mum wants to meet you too, you know. She wants to know who could possibly be making me so damn happy all the time. I went home this summer and jeez, we’d only been going out for what? A month or something? And if I’m being honest, I couldn’t really shut up about you, I got brutally made fun of you know?”_

_Harry beamed at Louis, and Louis gently pressed his pointer finger into Harry’s dimple. Harry started to get out of bed and throw on clothes while Louis groaned in protest._

_“Come on Lou, I need a good cuppa. Let’s go for a walk.”_

_“It’s cold out there, Haz. I can make you a perfectly terrible cup of tap water tea right here, AND we can stay in bed.”_

_But despite Louis’ best efforts, he was bundled up in his coat and shoved out the door of the Residence Hall by Harry within the next ten minutes._

_“See, Lou, it’s not even that cold today!” Harry grabbed Louis’ hand swinging it between them._

_Louis laughed, “A Thanksgiving miracle.”_

_“You know,” Harry started, “My mum sent me some money for the holidays and I was thinking maybe you’d let me take you out for a fancy dinner. Sometime before we start classes again, and you get all busy with your big finals, and I start back up with work.”_

_“You shouldn’t have to spend that money on me, love.” Louis was quick to oppose._

_Harry squeezed his hand, “Shut up. I want to, besides I’ve already been saving up the money from playing in the restaurant for your birthday and Christmas gifts, so this is the only way I could spend it.”_

_Louis’ features softened into a look of utter admiration, “Jeez Haz,” he ran his hand over his face, “You’re so wonderful.” He paused, unshed tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, “How the fuck did I find you? -sorry I’m being a sap, I just love you a lot is all.”_

_Harry pulled Louis in by their joined hands, “I love you too” Harry pecked Louis’ lips gently. “Very sappy today Mr. Tomlinson, very out of character, Thanksgiving got you in a touchy-feely mood?”_

_Louis poked Harry in the side, “Oh, you, are a twat.”_

_“Yeah, and you love me.”_

_“Yeah, yeah. Don’t I know it.”_

_Since the start of their relationship, Harry had gotten a job playing live piano at a nice Italian restaurant. He’d also added an emphasis in the performance arts to his English track and was taking a lot of fine arts classes. Louis got great first year grades, and was allowed into advanced classes for the next year. They were on a path for respective successful futures, and they were stupidly in love._

_That night, due to their lack of a real kitchen, college budgets, and no cooking expertise, they had Chinese food from their favorite spot on the floor of Harry’s dorm room. Louis lit a Bath and Bodyworks fall themed candle in between them and they ate out of their take out cartons, lauging and stealing bites from each other._

_Louis pushed his empty carton to the side, blew out the candle, and scooted closer to Harry, “You know, I lied to my mum and told her we would go home for dinner to a friend of our’s that lives here in Boston.”_

_Harry cracked a smile, “You didn’t.”_

_“I had to!” Louis defended, “This right here, Chinese on the floor on Thanksgiving? It would make her too sad!”_

_“Don’t know why she would be sad. We’re perfectly happy.”_

_“Eh, she just worries, but yes, perfectly lovely evening I would say.”_

_“You know what would make it more lovely?” Harry wiggled his eyebrows._

_Louis threw his head back and laughed, “God, you have about the subtlety of a truck, don’t you?”_

_Harry put his hands up in surrender, “Questionable methods, but I get the end result.” Louis giggled leaning closer to Harry and throwing one leg over Harry’s hips to pin him to the floor._

_“Confident aren’t we?” Louis teased, brushing their noses together._

_“Nah, just know what I want.”_

_“And what’s that?” Louis whispered practically against Harry’s lips._

_“You.” Harry whispered back before crushing his lips against Louis’, his hands finding purchase along the dip of Louis’s spine._

_“Harry,” Louis pulled back from the kiss, and Harry looked up at him with confusion, “I just wanna move off the floor, love.”_

_They got up and Louis dragged Harry behind him until they fell onto Harry’s bed, legs tangled together and hands fumbling with shirt buttons. Their lips met in another searing kiss, Louis hands tugging at the bottom of Harry’s curls._

_“Hey babe,” Harry panted, pulling back from the kiss, “I’m really thankful for this.”_

_“You are so fucking cheesy.” Louis laughed before pulling Harry back on top of him._

-

Louis unlocked his phone while the subway car rattled soothingly underneath him. Liam sat across the train downing his coffee and talking softly on the phone. Louis presumed that he was talking to Zayn, but that wasn’t a topic he and Liam had gotten around to yet.

**imessage: Harry**

**So what are you doing today at work then?**

Louis had been texting back and forth with Harry since the night before. The conversation only ended when they were both too tired to type anymore and resumed when they’d both woken up.

Louis sent his reply:

**I think I’m gonna be scrubbing in on a general surgery procedure later, so looking forward to that**

Louis knew that texting Harry like this was a bad, bad idea. He’d inevitably get more attached and Harry was still an international superstar, and a known-to-be-straight one at that. They could never work, but when Harry was involved, Louis lost the ability to make rational decisions. In fact, not even a full twenty-four hours into communicating with Harry, and Louis couldn’t figure out how he’d ever thought that he was remotely over Harry at all. His phone vibrated in his lap again.

**imessage: Harry**

**Louis!! That’s ridiculous!! You’re a proper surgeon like you’ve always wanted to be**

Louis couldn’t suppress the smile that crept onto his lips while he read the text. 

**I’m definitely not yet, but I’d like to think I’m getting there, yeah**

He immediately received in response:

**I don’t know why I’m surprised. Knew you would. I guess it just makes me realize how much time has passed**

Louis’ brow furrowed at the obvious shift in tone. He texted back hoping to lighten the mood:

**Becoming a household name didn’t make you realize some time passed? You’ve always been overly modest Harry**

The train pulled into the station and Liam hung up from his phone call, looking over at Louis and cocking his head to signal for Louis to meet him at the opening train doors. Louis popped up from his seat and slipped out the sliding doors with Liam close behind. Louis turned to Liam as they climbed the stairs of the station exit.

“Hey, who are you always talking to on the phone in the mornings?” Louis questioned watching as Liam flushed light pink.

“Well, that just happened to be uh- Zayn, actually, but we don’t talk every morning.”Louis smiled knowingly back at Liam.

“I thought it might be. That’s going well then?”

“Bout as well as your reunion with Harry?” Liam shot back playfully, but Louis looked down at his hands, unsure.

“Is it absolutely stupid of me, Liam? To just jump in head first again? I feel like I’m the girl in the horror movie that everyone’s screaming at not to go into the basement.”

Liam and Louis darted across the busy street to the front doors of the hospital. Liam placed his hand on Louis’ should before they went in.

“It’s ok to be scared, Louis, but I think just based on how much you still feel for him, you owe it to yourself to at least try. This is the rest of your life we’re talking about here. You and Harry could be, you know, something real in the long term, you have something real.”

“How could we possibly? He’s a celebrity and I’m just, you know, me, we don’t fit into each other’s lives anymore, and maybe we never did.”

Liam shrugged his shoulders, “If you love each other, you make it fit, and he loves you, Louis.”

Louis huffed and pushed open the hospital doors, “I can’t think about this anymore. It better be a busy day.”

Harry looked out the window at the tarmac below him. He was seated across from Niall who had his acoustic guitar resting on his knee. Niall currently sat silent, but Harry knew to expect soft melodies to start once they were in the air and Niall got bored. Zayn sat a few seats down from Harry, writing in a notebook.

Harry looked down at his phone, thrilled to see another text from Louis. He responded quickly before he had to turn his phone onto airplane mode for the flight. The plane took off and eventually Niall began to gently pluck at the strings of his guitar.

“Hey Nialler-“ Harry looked stricken.

Niall looked up confused.

“I- I think I’ve got a song idea to work on.” Harry beamed at Niall and Zayn’s surprised faces.

Niall laughed out loud, “Do ya? God, H. It’s been like one day of texting Louis and you’re back to writing?”

Harry shook his head, “I’m surprised too, but I wanna run with this. Give me some chords.. uh...like A-minor and C maybe? Uh..F and G?”

Niall strummed the chords and a melody arranged itself in Harry’s head.

“...let me adore you..” Harry mumbled under his breath.

“walk through fire for you, just let me adore you,” He added a bit louder. Niall started playing the chords in a progression and Harry combined the melody in his head with the barely written lyrics.

“ _Ah-ah-ah walk through fire for you_

_just let me adore you_

_like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do_.” He sang breathily.

Zayn and Niall’s heads whipped up to look at Harry.Zayn’s lips split into a wide grin and Niall cackled.

“Mate,” Niall set his guitar on the seat next to him, “That’s absolutely epic. We’ve gotta finish that one.”

Harry smiled, “Yeah, I’ll work on it and let you know.”

Zayn looked at Harry thoughtfully for a minute before adding, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy. For as long as I’ve known you.”

Harry quirked his brow, “Yeah? I mean I met you shortly after the break up and obviously I’ve never been able to get over it so, being in touch with him again. It’s a lot, but I’m really happy about it.”

“Extra writing material is a nice bonus, too,” Zayn added.

Harry hummed, “I guess, yeah. I’m just like, nervous. Things got uh- really just nasty at the end with Louis, and we both got really hurt.”

Niall offered him a gentle smile, “All you can do is try, H.”

Harry nodded at Niall and started to pull a notebook out of his bag to work on the lyrics for the new song idea.

The next few weeks passed and Harry and Louis returned to their lives. Harry continued his tour of the United States and Louis went to work, learning more with every day that he spent in the hospital. Both Harry and Louis, however, were lighter on their feet, all due to the texts that were being constantly exchanged between them.

Louis checked his phone in between cases or sitting in the cafeteria with Taylor and Liam to find pictures of iconic tourist destinations or shots of empty stadiums where Harry’s concert would be that night. They were always accompanied by a joke or a cheeky message from the pop star.

Louis pulled off his scrub cap on his way out of the O.R. and headed towards the locker room. He pulled his phone from his pocket smiling at the message on his screen. He’d been in surgery for a few hours and it was timestamped as an hour and a half before.

**imessage: Harry**

**Landed in Austin:) I’ll bring you back a cowboy hat.**

Above the message was a picture of Niall and Zayn sitting in the plane and giving the camera a thumbs up, Harry had obviously taken the picture. Louis answered Harry’s text with a smile, and put his phone back into his pocket as his pager started going off and calling him to the other side of the hospital.

Harry, on the other hand, wanted to know every detail of Louis’ job at the hospital and how he got there. He spent car rides to events and nights alone in hotel rooms texting or on phone calls with Louis.

Harry was getting out of the shower in his Austin hotel room. He wrapped a towel around his waist and picked up his phone off the bathroom counter.

**imessage: Louis**

**Have a great show. No need to bring me a hat, but you definitely need to send me a picture of you in one before you leave**

Harry grinned at his phone.

**You’ve got yourself a deal partner.**

He responded to Louis and started getting ready for his show. He’d been having a much better time performing since he’d been back in touch with Louis. The last few weeks, the guilt that he was used to feeling after every show had been fading. He’d even started ending the show on happier songs, though his sunshine still always got a dedication. Fans had already started speculating about what may have caused the switch. So far, a reunion with sunshine, a new relationship, and Harry just finally moving on, were all theories Harry had seen online. In reality, the situation was a bit more complicated. Harry and Louis texted daily and occasionally called, but they never broached the topic of their history or what they currently were. As far as Harry knew, Louis just wanted to be friends, but of course, Harry knew that he could never be just friends with Louis.

Harry’s phone screen lit up. Louis was calling and Harry scrambled to answer.

“Hey, Louis.” He managed on an exhale.

“Harry,” Louis sighed quietly, “Sorry to call mid-day.”

“No, no big deal. I’m just in my room. What’s up?” Harry asked happily.

“Oh, nothing I just had a ten minute break between cases. Though I’d-uh call.” Louis offered as explanation.

“Yeah, totally. Glad you did. How’s the hospital?”

“Ah, same old, same old.” Louis paused. “Uh- Harry?” He sounded unsure.

Harry took a deep breath and responded carefully, “yeah, uh- What’s up?

Louis chuckled, “It’s stupid sorry, I just- I really like talking to you and -I don’t even know what I’m saying, but I guess it just feels like this is getting somewhere-we’re getting somewhere, but then you’re not even here and I-“ Louis stopped and exhaled another sigh.

“I’m rambling. Sorry. Point is, I guess I just miss you s’all. I wanna see you.”

Harry’s breath caught in his throat, he blinked. “You-you miss me?”

“Uh-yeah, I do”

“Wow.” Harry shook his head, “Of course, I miss you too, Louis. Is it too cheesy if I say I’ve missed you for like five years?”

Instead of the laugh he was expecting, Harry’s comment was meant with silence. He waited a few seconds and then Louis responded softly.

“No, cause I’ve missed you that long too. Maybe longer.”

 _Longer_. Harry thought back to the last months of their relationship, the bitter fights and the cold conversation.

“Yeah,” He echoed Louis. “Maybe longer.”

Louis broke the tension on the call.

“I should probably get back to work.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. Have a great rest of your day, Louis. Oh- and Louis?” Harry rushed to ask one more question.

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna come back, to New York, as soon as I can find an excuse. Would you let me take you out to dinner?”

“Yeah, uh, sure.”

Harry’s face broke into a smile. “Great. Talk to you soon.”

“Talk to you soon, bye.”


	5. Come Back, Be Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello:)  
> Welcome to chapter 5!   
> This chapter does contain some descriptions of general anxiety disorder, but as someone with anxiety myself, I don't believe it to be triggering content! just be aware:) and there's no depictions of anxiety attacks.  
> I hope you enjoy this story and thank you for reading!

Harry stared out the window as the wheels of his jet hit the tarmac at New York City’s JFK. He rubbed the sleep from the corners of his green eyes, eyes that were filled with newfound youth and hope. He was alone this time, Zayn and Niall were set to meet him at his next tour location in Chicago. Harry’s split-second decision to stop in New York had definitely raised the eyebrows of his friends.

“What do ya mean you’re stopping in New York?” Niall had asked earlier that morning when Harry had told him and Zayn of his plan, luggage already in hand.

“Mate, you do realize, that’s a bit out of the way if we’re headed to Illinois for your show in two days?” Zayn added.

“Yeah, I do, but I just-“ Harry sighed, exasperated, “It just doesn’t matter, Louis wants to _see me_ , you guys. I have an actual chance here, to be with him again, to be happy again, and I’m not letting my career get in the way of us. Never again.”

Zayn and Niall both nodded grimly at Harry in response to his declaration.

“I’ll handle it with management. You take the jet and Niall and I will fly commercial. Meet you in Chicago?”

Harry nodded at Zayn, relief and appreciation clear on his face, “Thank you, Z.”

Harry made for the door of the hotel suite, Niall calling from behind.

“Go get your boy, Styles!”

And so, Harry now found himself hopping down the stairs from the jet and into the waiting Cadillac ready to drive him into Manhattan and to Louis. He settled into the backseat of the car, throwing his canvas duffle bag onto the seat next to him and grabbing his phone to call Louis.

The phone rang twice before-, “Harry?” Louis’ silvery voice came through the speakers and excited energy flooded Harry’s body.

“Louis.” He realized that he probably should have checked with Louis before jetting to New York.

“Yes. Hi?”

“Hi.” Harry smiled ridiculously. “I’m in New York City, tell me you’re free tonight.”

Louis coughed, surprised, but recovered quickly. “I- Actually, yeah, just finished a shift. I’ll be back at my flat in 15. Do you wanna meet me there?”

Harry tried, and failed, to sound cool and collected, “Your flat? Oh-uh-Yes. Yeah. Text me the address and I’ll meet you there in half an hour.”

Louis laughed softly, “Ok, Harry. See you in a bit.”

“Yeah. See you soon.” Harry hung up the phone and pressed his hand over his mouth, shaking his head at the roof of the car.

He pulled up in front of Louis’ flat twenty-eight short minutes later, though Harry felt like it had been hours. He slid out of the car grabbing his bag, and thanking the driver, letting him know that he would call when he needed a ride again. Harry jogged up the path to Louis’ building, pressing on the buzzer number to the apartment number that Louis included in his text.

“Harry?” Louis’ voice rang through the tinny sound system.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Harry confirmed, nerves flooding his body and butterflies settling like rocks in the pit of his stomach.

“Come on up.” And the door to the building buzzed and clicked unlocked. Harry paused to calm himself down before starting the two flights of stairs up to Louis’ flat.

Finally he stood in front of Louis’ door. He somehow formed a fist from his sweaty and shaking hand and knocked twice on the grey door. The door opened slowly and Louis stood on the other side. He looked small and bright in a beige oversized sweater and a pair of light-wash jeans. Harry opened his mouth, trying to form words.

Louis smiled gently, “Hey. I can’t believe you flew all the way here to see me.” He said incredulously shaking his head at Harry.

“It’s so worth it, Louis.” Harry said sincerely and Louis gaze fell nervously to the floorboards, a light blush dusting his prominent cheekbones.

“Come on in.” Louis opened the door wider for Harry to step inside the flat. Harry looked around the living room he stepped into. The walls of the flat were painted cream and a dark green couch was pushed against the wall across from a television set with a dark wooden coffee table in-between them.

“Your place is lovely, Louis.” Harry complimented gently.

“It’s a bit cramped,” Louis returned, “New York real estate, but, it’s home. We’re lucky to have it.”

“So,” Harry started hesitantly, “Did you wanna go out somewhere? It can be a bit tricky for me to-er well you know, cause people uh..” Harry trailed off awkwardly.

“I’m fine with just grabbing take-out.” Louis took mercy on Harry in his discomfort and chimed in. “You still like Chinese, popstar?”

Harry grinned, relieved. “Yeah-yeah, that’d be great, Louis.”Louis smiled at him and pulled his cellphone from his back pocket apparently calling in their order. Harry smiled at the way Louis took the liberty of ordering for him. After all this time, if even subconsciously, Louis still knew Harry like the back of his hand. It was the little remnants of their relationship, like the way that Louis knew his Chinese food order, that made Harry’s heart squeeze with hope.

Louis gestured at the bag in Harry’s arms, “Did you wanna put that down? Are you-uh- were you planning on sleeping here tonight? You totally can-“

“Oh-“ Harry interjected, “No, no, that’s super nice of you Louis, but I have a hotel room. I wouldn’t want to- well, you know, uh rush you or anything.” Harry stammered out and dropped his bag down by the couch.

“Right.” Louis responded awkwardly. He stepped closer to Harry, his eyes searching.

“Did you really come all the way to New York, just to see me?” Louis questioned, his brow crinkled with doubt.

Harry met the smaller man’s eyes with certainty.

“Yeah. I did.”

Louis sank into a chair on the other side of the coffee table, rubbing his temples.

“I’m confused, Harry. To be completely honest, I just actually don’t get what’s happening here.”

Harry sat down on the couch, carefully considering his next words.

“Well, if we’re going for complete honesty here, then I have to tell you. I want back in your life, in whatever capacity you’ll have me, acquaintance, friend,” Harry pressed his lips together and looked off the side, “-more than friend.” He added nervously. “I’m willing to work for this, Louis, I want us back.”

Nimble fingers ran anxiously through chestnut brown strands and Louis sighed, “Jesus, Harry. I don’t-“

“You can’t say we’re over.” Harry interrupted. “I know it’s been a long time, trust me, I know. Every day we’ve been apart feels like years. But, Louis, it’s been a long time and I still _feel_ so much. If you tell me to walk away now…” Harry paused, leaning over the arm of the couch to place his hand over Louis’ small one. “If you tell me to walk away now, I will, but” he started again, “I don’t think I will ever get over you, Louis.”

Louis swallowed and Harry could see the sheen of tears in Louis’ clear blue eyes.

“I listened to your music. All of it.” Louis responded tightly. “S’really good, Harry.”

Harry blinked back the tears forming in his own eyes.

“Thank you for listening to it, it’s all for you, I’m sure you knew that.” Louis shrugged in response running his hands over his eyes to erase the evidence of his emotions. He stood up stiffly.

“I-uh gotta go grab our food. Feel free to look around the apartment or whatever. Liam’s working the late shift tonight, so no need to worry about him coming in and scaring you. I won’t be more than ten minutes, the place is right down the block.” Louis told Harry grabbing his keys and jacket and heading to the door. He pulled it open and stepped out into the hallway faster than Harry could even make sense of his words.

“Oh-uh yeah. Ok.”

Louis went to pull the door closed behind him.

“Hey,” He waved Harry over, “Come lock this door behind me, please.” and Harry pressed down his delight at Louis’ concealed concern before obediently going to lock the door.

Harry wandered back into the flat. He looked through the kitchen and decided to put the kettle on and prepare himself and Louis cups of tea for with their dinner. He tried a few cabinets, eventually finding mugs and tea bags and getting everything ready for when the water boiled. While he waited, Harry could deny his curiosity no longer, and padded down the hall to peek at Louis’ room. Harry cautiously cracked the door open to the first room and could immediately tell that it was Louis’. Pictures of Louis and his family decorated the nightstand and Harry spotted a Rover’s football jersey on the floor and a Red Hot Chile Pepper’s poster on the door of the closet. Harry took in the room, looked at the little bits and pieces of Louis that surrounded him and bombarded his senses. Harry stepped lightly into the room of the boy that he knew everything about, while also knowing nothing about. He picked a picture frame off of Louis’ windowsill, and swallowed the lump in his throat. It was Louis in his graduation cap and gown, beaming with pride and surrounded by his family. He stared at the photo, feeling like he should have a memory of his own to go along with that day, but he did not.

Harry distantly heard the sound of a key turning in the lock and the door cracking open, but it didn’t even register as he lost himself in the image of the smiling younger version of Louis. A few moments later, Louis stepped through the open door of his own bedroom, arms full of takeout bags. Harry looked up like a deer caught in headlights.

“Louis-I-I was just-er- I’m sorry- I didn’t mean-“ Harry stammered uselessly.

“It’s fine, no, it’s totally fine. I told you to explore didn’t I?” Louis assured him. He looked down at the picture clutched in Harry’s hands.

“My grad?” Louis raised his eyebrow.

“I-uh-yeah. I just-“ Harry was mortified to find himself choked up again, “I-was thinking,” Harry’s brow crumpled. “I shou-lda been there.” Harry’s voice cracked and gave way to light sobs and Louis dropped the bags of takeout in favor of rushing to comfort Harry. Louis gently took the frame from Harry and put it on his desk. He wrapped his arms around the crying man and led him to sit on the edge of Louis’ bed kneeling in front of him.

“Hey, hey,” Louis murmured, “none of that. And while we’re at it, I’m done with all this self loathing, Harry. It takes two people to give up on a relationship, and the way we fell apart,” Louis shook his head regretfully, “that was my fault just as much as yours. You hear me?”

Harry sniffed, “How did we let this happen, Louis?” He asked through his tears.

Louis looked into his eyes, brow furrowed painfully, “I ask myself that a lot, Harry.”

“I was gonna- gonna tell them that you weren’t going anywhere, that I was gonna be myself, but then everything went so wrong, Louis. I’m so sorry.”

Louis ran his hand up Harry’s arm leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake, eventually landing on Harry’s cheek, thumb stroking away remaining tear streaks.

“I’m sorry too. Now come eat Chinese food. It’s getting cold, I’m sure. I saw you were making tea? You go pour and then I thought we’d eat on the balcony? It’s a nice night.” Louis shifted the conversation.

Harry nodded, getting himself back together and hopping off the bed to go to the kitchen for tea. Louis knelt to gather the Chinese bags and headed to set up a spot for them to eat on the balcony.

It was when they were all settled on the balcony that Louis broached the subject again.

“Obviously there’s so much to say, Harry. So much we both want to say. Right now, let’s eat Chinese food and tell each other about our families and you’ll tell me about cool celebrities you’ve met, and then we can go inside and I’ll make you a hot chocolate and we’ll have a conversation, ok?”

Harry bit his lip anxiously, “yeah, yeah. Ok.”

Louis nodded, “Great,” Louis cracked a smile, “Now, tell me how my dear Gemma is doing, damn I miss her sharp tongue.” Louis shook his head fondly.

Harry laughed, the tension in his body decreasing ever so slightly. The conversation over dinner carried on in the same light and fun tone, Harry catching Louis up on his family while Louis shared new anecdotes of his eldest sisters and talked about how grown up his youngest siblings had gotten. Soon enough, food was gone and Louis and Harry were gathering up the trash and stepping back inside, minds weighed down with the heavy conversation they knew that had to have.

Harry was settled into the dark green couch with a mug of hot chocolate steaming in his hand and Louis sat down next to him.

Louis sighed, “We’re both sorry. Things got-, for lack of a better word, things got really shitty, and we both got our hearts broken.” Louis stated with simplicity before turning to face Harry, “But Harry, I feel like I’ve been living half of a life for five years, and I kept waiting for the pain to fade and it never has. You have this control over my every feeling, but I know that we don’t know each other anymore-“

Harry’s free hand grabbed Louis’ wrist, stopping him from saying another word. Harry leaned forward and put his mug down on the coffee table to hold onto Louis’ hand with both of his.

“In every way that matters, you know me. In all the ways that are unchangeable and forever, I know you, Louis. At this very moment, I don’t know some of theeveryday things I used to know about you, like the time you wake up in the morning or what TV show you’re binging, but I know who you are, Lou. I know your heart better than anyone’s, and that’s all I need. That’s all I will ever need.”

It was Louis turn to be surprised by his overflowing tear ducts.

“I know you too, Harry. I know I do.” He wiped desperately at his eyes. “You called me Lou.” He added softly.

“Yeah, I guess. Uh-sorry,” Harry attempted .

“No, no, no more apologies. It sounds right coming from your mouth. It sounds like coming home.” Louis whispered, his fingers brushing over Harry’s jawline and latching onto the back of his neck.

“Lou..” Harry whispered, gruff with anticipation. His eyes flicked down to Louis lips and back to his cerulean eyes. Louis swallowed, his bottom lip trembling as he blinked and pushed on the back of Harry’s neck signaling him to bring his face down to meet Louis’. They froze, lips just centimeters apart.

“You sure?” Louis whispered breathing heavily.

“This is all I want.” replied Harry, before smashing his lips against Louis’, both of them losing themselves in the desperate meeting of lips and tongues. Harry and Louis sunk into the security of the kiss, the desperation fading into safety and relief as they realized that they weren’t actually dreaming. Harry pulled back from the kiss, to catch his breath and Louis peppered soft kisses along the apples of Harry’s cheeks. Harry pulled Louis face up to stare directly at him.

“You’re real.” Harry whispered, the brightest smile painted across his kiss-swollen lips.

Louis laughed out loud and tapped gently on Harry’s dimple.

“I missed you so much, Harry.” Louis leaned in and captured Harry’s lips in another kiss, reacquainting himself with the inside of Harry’s mouth.

“We have a lot to talk about.” Louis added when he once again pulled back.

“We can talk tomorrow.” Harry returned, “Kiss me again. I can’t figure out how in the world I survived without these lips for five years.”

Louis shook his head, “You fucking sap,” he laughed and obeyed Harry’s request.

-

_Louis was hunched over his dorm room desk, it was 11:30 at night, and he’d been cramming for his physics final for hours. His anxiety had been flaring up really badly during the end of the term. It was finally his last final and he’d been brutally hitting the books all week long. When he wasn’t studying he was fast asleep, rarely remembering to feed himself. There was bag of half eaten pretzels to the right of his textbook and two empty cans of Red Bull on the floor near his trashcan, that didn’t quite make it in. Louis was pulled out of his notebook by a knock on his door, but he knew it wasn’t his roommate who was spending the night at his girlfriend’s._

_He got up to open the door, cracking his back loudly upon standing for the first time in a few hours. Louis opened the door and was relieved by the sight of Harry standing on the other side._

_“Hi, Hazza.” He murmured through a yawn._

_“Hey, Loubear.” Harry spoke softly and swept his burnt out boyfriend into his arms hugging him tightly for a minute._

_“You look beat, babe, you’ve really gotta stop running yourself so ragged. I brought you some real dinner that you are going to eat and then you are gonna take a break and we are gonna get some sleep.” Harry ran a finger along Louis’ jawline, his brow furrowed in concern, “How’s your anxiety?”_

_Louis ran a heavy hand through his fringe, “Not all that great.”_

_Harry frowned in response, and headed towards Louis’ shelf to find his anxiety medication and hand it to him. Harry scanned the room, eyes falling on the red bull cans._

_“That much caffeine isn’t good for you, Lou.”_

_Louis was too tired to protest. He took his pill with a sip of the water bottle Harry cracked open, and let Harry pull him down to sit on the floor by his bed. He accepted the cheeseburger and fries that Harry handed him._

_He bit into the burger and groaned, “God, did I tell you how much I love you yet.”_

_Harry laughed, “Eat up, Lou.” and Louis followed his boyfriend’s order obediently._

_When Louis was fed, Harry pulled him into his lap._

_“You suck at taking care of yourself sometimes, you know that?”_

_Louis hummed, “Hmm, guess that’s why you can never leave me.”_

_“Not planning on it. Oh, I have news.”_

_Louis turned his tired eyes to Harry in question, “Yeah?”_

_“I was playing one of my new originals in the restaurant tonight, you know Sign of the Times, and one of the customers was a producer or something. He said he loved it, gave me his card and told me to call.”_

_“Harry, that’s amazing, baby. Of course he loved it. That song is so incredible.”_

_Harry smiled and blushed, dimples popping out for Louis to lovingly press a finger to. Then, Louis crawled off of Harry’s lap and got up, heading back toward his desk._

_“What are you doing?”_

_“Well, now that I’ve eaten I can get through a few more hours of review, I really-“_

_“Louis.” Harry started firmly._

_“Haz, I-“_

_“Louis, you know the material. You know you know the material. I know you know the material. I know physics is a tough one for you, babe, but you can’t do very well on a test if you fall asleep halfway through, can you?”_

_“I guess not.” Louis grumbled and let Harry push him into bed. Harry pulled off both of their shirts and Louis cuddled close to his chest, falling asleep in minutes._

_Harry’s eyes never left his sleeping boyfriend. Harry took in the greyish bags under Louis’ eyes with a frown. He marveled at the way Louis’ eyelashes rested lightly on the tops of his cheeks. He pulled Louis’ hand from where it was resting on Harry chest and ran the pad of his thumb over Louis’ brutalized nail beds._

_Harry pressed a soft kiss to Louis’ thumb._

_“Oh, my worried boy.” He whispered against Louis’ skin. “Only sweet dreams tonight.”_

-

Harry and Louis had enough sense to know that Harry should definitely return to his hotel room for the night. Louis had work the next morning anyway.

They made plans to meet up again the following night before Harry had to leave for Chicago, and Harry called his ride back to the hotel.

Harry woke up in the New York hotel room late in the morning. He sent a quick good morning text to Louis before he ordered tea and breakfast and flicked on the television. It was rare for him to have a day to relax so he planned on taking full advantage. Harry had a bath, read a bit of a book, and worked on new lyrics that had been constantly popping into his head since reconnecting with Louis.

It was hours after the first text that Harry began to grow nervous about Louis’ lack of response. He tried to remind himself that Louis had a very difficult job, and he may be in a case, but he also knew that Louis should have had some kind of lunch break already. Harry tried to reign in his obsessiveness and relax, surely Louis would contact him soon, but around six, it was still radio silence.

 _It was too much_.

Harry thought.

_Surely he’s freaked out and talked himself out of it._

Louis had told him he was getting off at five the night before, so Harry was staring to lose the very little cool that he had. He called Louis’ phone and it went straight to voicemail. Harry’s heart sunk. He knew that it had been too easy, that Louis couldn’t truly want him back. Harry had to leave New York in the morning, and he couldn’t leave without talking to Louis one last time. He sent another text to Louis despite the amount of messages that already sat unread.

**Hey, Lou. I’m sorry to keep bothering you, but I’m gonna come by your flat. After last night, I can’t just give up, Louis. If you’ve changed your mind I need to hear it from you. Please don’t run from me.**

Harry sent the message and grimaced at his phone screen, embarrassed by his own desperation. He slid his vans onto his feet and called for a car to take him to Louis’ flat. When he got there, he pressed on the buzzer and Liam’s voice came through the speaker.

“Hey, who is it?”

“Uh-hey mate, it’s Harry. I was wondering if-“

“Ah, Harry! Come on up man!” Liam cut him off and Harry headed up to flat with nerves growing heavier in his stomach. He took the stairs slowly, realizing how underprepared he was to face Louis and the possibility of Louis actually ending it between them forever. He knocked on the door, and Liam quickly flung it open.

“Harry! Great to see you again!” Liam dashed around the flat as Harry awkwardly sat down on the edge of the couch. Liam came out of his room, a pair of tennis shoes in hand, and sat near Harry putting on his shoes.

“Zayn said you’re writing again? That’s sick, mate! I’m late to meet some friends at a pub so I’ve gotta dash, but uh- stay here and wait for Louis. Not sure why he’s not home yet?” Liam wondered aloud grabbing a pair of keys off the coffee table and hopping up, “but anyway, make yourself at home! I’ll see you soon, Harry. Oh!” He added as an afterthought, “Tell Zayn you saw me and I looked proper hot alright? I’d appreciate it.” Liam winked at Harry and was out the door.

Harry sat awkwardly in the empty flat, wondering how long was acceptable for him to wait. It was just rounding an hour and a half and Harry had already cleaned the kitchen, snooped throughly through Louis’ room, and called Gemma to freak out, when he finally heard the scratch of a key in the lock. Louis stepped into doorway. Harry spun around to explain his presence and beg Louis to hear him out when he took in Louis disheveled appearance.

Harry mentally checked off the telltale signs that Louis was struggling with his anxiety that day. Louis swooping fringe was sticking out in different directions, and he had prominent bags under his eyes. He was wringing his hands and Harry could see the wrinkles on his scrub top where the material had been balled up and yanked on. Louis’ exhausted eyes met Harry’s confused and apprehensive stare.

“Hey, is it ok that I’m here? You haven’t answered my texts?” Harry started cautiously. Louis scrambled to pull his phone from a back pocket, face falling when he saw the missed messages and calls.

“Oh, Harry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-I just had a shift from hell. I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to think-” Louis started rambling.

“Hey, no it’s ok. I’m just glad everything’s ok. It’s no big deal.” Harry assured, but Louis seemed to only grow more agitated, running hands across his face. Harry stepped closer, arms in front of his body.

“Lou. Louis, come on. Take a deep breath and then come here. Lemme take care of you.” Harry opened his arms and Louis crumbled into the embrace.

He let out a mumble of, “Hazza,” as his head rested on Harry’s chest, and Harry’s heart melted.

“Where’s your meds, babe? Let’s get you dinner and to bed. I’m really sorry you had a shit day.” Harry rubbed Louis’ back.

Louis pulled out of the hug and nodded at Harry before disappearing to his room, assumedly to take a pill and change. Harry went to the kitchen pulling out a box of Mac and cheese and pot, and started to prepare dinner.

Later, when Louis had eaten and was feeling better, he lifted his head off of Harry’s chest where they were laying on the couch.

“I’m really sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to make you worry-I just, you know how I get sometimes.” Louis shook his head self deprecatingly.

“Yeah. I do.” Harry returned gently. He lifted Louis chin with a finger. “It’s nothing, Louis. I’m just happy we’re ok.”

“Yeah.” Louis said softly settling his head back onto Harry’s shoulder. “We’re ok.”

“Do you wanna talk about it? Your day?” Harry questioned gently.

Louis sighed, “I was working in the ER early this morning,” He explained timidly, “and we had this huge trauma come in, all these high school kids, a car accident.” His face crumpled and he pressed it up against Harry’s shoulder. “So many of them died, Haz.” He mumbled against Harry’s shirt. “It’s so hard for me, when I lose patients-I can’t, I can’t seem to compartmentalize.”

Harry rubbed Louis’ shoulders, sympathy painted across his features.

“After that- I guess I just spent the rest of the day in a bit of haze, and then Taylor found me in the locker room a couple hours after I was supposed to have left.” He explained, “She got me on the train home.”

“I’m so sorry, Louis. You did everything you could, and of course it’s difficult for you. You wouldn’t be the gentle and emotional and caring Louis I know if you could compartmentalize.” Louis shrugged his shoulders, eyes already drooping in exhaustion.

“Sounds like I owe Taylor a thank you for getting my boy home safe, huh?” Harry ran his fingers through Louis’ fringe.

“Mmm.” Louis murmured in response, “She’s a fan just send her a signature.” He said sleepily and Harry laughed softly.

“Come on, Lou. Let’s get you into bed.” Harry shifted Louis to help him off the couch and kissed his forehead once he was tucked into bed.

“Goodbye, Louis. I’ll see you soon. I promise.” He whispered into the hair of the sleeping boy. He called his ride and returned to the hotel.

Harry left for Chicago the next morning, leaving his heart behind in New York. He promised Louis that he’d be back as soon as he could find the time, and that they would text and FaceTime, but with both of their busy schedules, they knew their relationship would be difficult to maintain. Despite the uncertainty of their futures, they were comforted by the fact that there was still a place for each other in their busy lives. Regardless of Harry’s celebrity status, there had been a Louis shaped hole in his life that was now being filled, and nothing could get in the way of that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I will try and get updates out as quickly as I possibly can. 
> 
> xoxo- Jackie!


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